7 Rules for a healthy relationship – Rule #1

A friend read my blog and asked me if I could go into a little more details on my personal 7 Rules for a Healthy Relationship, explaining each rule in a little more detail and even giving practical examples. I liked the idea and I would like to start with

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Going to bed angry can have several (unpleasant) consequenses:

1. you don’t sleep well

2. the anger usually gets builds up and gets worse

3. it starts to eat you up from the inside

4. your next day starts badly

5. you start feeling resentful towards your partner

I believe the biggest issue in most relationships is – and here I go again – SIMPLE. In most cases it comes down to bad or even nonexistant commmunication. And it is irrelevant if you are in a heterosexual or homosexual relationship.

I think most of us know the following situation:

She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is something wrong, what happened?”

He/She: “Nothing, I’m fine.”

She/He: “But I can see you are upset about something. Why don’t you tell me?

This can start an endless discussion that can end in a real fight leaving both in a foul spirit – your day or evening and a good nights sleep is probably ruined.

How about trying this:

She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is something wrong, what happened?”

He/She: “I had a stressful day today and my head is too full. I just need a little time to process and wind down. But thank you for asking and caring and be assured it has nothing to do with you.”

Of course this works both ways so you could and should also consider a different approach:

When you see your partner in a bad mood, stressed or think your patner is upset how about just giving them some space.

She/He: “Darling you look so stressed and seem to be in a bad mood. Is there something I can do to cheer you up or help? Or do you just need a little time to wind down?”

So for both partners, if you tweak your way to communicate just a little your lives can be so much easier.

I know this is only one and also a very simplified example, but you understand that it really doesn’t take all that much to take the pressure off a situation.

Communicating does not neccessarily mean that you have to talk about every tiny little issue in your relationship. Very often it is just about reassurance, the reassurance that the two of you are OK.

Sometimes we do not communicate because we do not want to burden our partner or even protect the one we love from something. Always consider that it is rather patronising to think and decide for someone else, even if you intentions are good.

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