I have talked to so many singles and I have a lot of singleton friends and they all have something in common. They are looking for that perfect partner, the perfect match, THE ONE!
What do most men and women expect of the perfect partner?
Men want: Women want:
A Lover A Lover
A Doctor/Nurse A Doctor/Nurse
A Cook A Cook
A Cleaner/Handyman A Cleaner/Handyman
A Confidant A Confidant
A Mother A Father
A Comforter A Comforter
A Saint A Saint
A Companion A Companion
A Friend A Friend etc.
My headline may sound hiddeous at first, but when you think about it, it’s actually what could be the perfect solution to finding Mr. or Mrs. Right!
Men and Women essentially want the same thing – often just not at the same time. But honestly, who can fulfill all these needs? The next issue is that you need to know when your partner needs which peronality of you.
It always comes down to these GREAT EXPECTATIONS!
So I come back to my initial question… Is looking for someone with multiple personalities the solution to finding the perfect partner?
Of course it is not but wouldn’t it be great? I am not a shrink so I don’t know for sure, but I doubt you can trigger a certain personality at will when you need it. So I guess this is not the solution either.
So what is? Honestly, I really don’t know and if I did I would probably be filthy rich.
But I do love simplicity. So the simplest thing in this case is… (imagine the dramatic drumroll here, please)
But what do you need to communicate with a potential partner? That can actually be quite simple as well, only that we ususally do not ask the essential questions when we get involved with someone. The reasons for that are:
1. We see everything through rose glasses in the honeymoon phase, when we are freshly in love that we don’t think of asking some of those essential questions.
2. We are afraid – as everything is fresh, happy and new – to scare that someone away by possibly asking the ‘wrong’ or even ‘uncomfortable’ questions.
We are all equally insecure and have our fears – some just are better at hiding their vulnerability.
So what could some of those important questions be?
1. How much time do you want to spend with your loved one in a partnership? This may sound like a strange question at first but think about it… What if you want to spend 24/7 with your partner, if possible live and work together and he/she wants to see you once a month? You see where I am going…
2. Depending on your age, the question of children is an important one (try not do ask that on the first date though…)
3.What are your expectations in a relationship?
4. Is it ok not to share all the same interests?
5. How is the relationship to ex-partners?
6. Are there children, and if yes, how often do you see them? Is a new partner to play a role in their lives?
7. Is jealousy and issue?
Of course the questions can be different for everyone, so find what is really important to you and just ask away… Please always remember that your partner is most likely not a mind reader and does not have a chrystal ball.
We are always so afraid of what we might lose that we forget what we have to gain.
So the reasons why it is so important to talk about these things is simply to find the common ground you may have to build a long lasting, happy and healthy relationship – unless you are in love with beeing in love and are in search of one honeymoon phase after the other…