I have been thinking about this a lot in the past few weeks. There are more than seven billion people on this planet and they all have their own unique reality – quite overwhelming when you think of it this way.

We are so quick in our judgement of others, applying our very own reality of things to what we see, hear and experience – which is normal – sometimes trying to impose our reality on someone without having all the information (for whatever reason) and more often without trying to walk in the other persons shoes (or moccasins). This is what so often leads to misunderstandings – sometimes with devestating consequenses.

I am the first to admit that this is an issue I still struggle with when it comes to people I love and truly care for. As soon as emotions are involved it becomes challenging. I think we can consent that we want the best for the people in our lives that we love and we can also consent that we need to get a grip on our arrogance of believing we know what this person should or should not do. We can be there with advice (when it is called or asked for) and we can be the listener and a strong shoulder.

And even if we cannot always comprehend the reality of another person, it is essential that we try to appreciate this reality to get a better understanding of the people we care for. You are probably already guessing where this is going…

TADA!!! And now add a little drum roll…

Of course it keeps coming down to …

Is it getting old or boring? Well, if it is then you might be in trouble. Any human relationship is dependant on finding a good way to communicate. But it gets tricky when you do not understand the reality that other people live in and vice versa. The best way is to ask questions and to follow up if you understood what was said correctly. And if you listen mindfully and not just listen, you might actually begin to grasp someone elses  reality. When understanding others, it makes it so much easier to have understanding.

But where there are people communicating, there will inevitably be misunderstandings and arguments, anger, frustration and sometimes even resentment and hurt feelings. So another essential quality you need when getting to know anothers reality and for others to understand yours is…

when those misunderstandings get in the way. For some reason we tend to hurt the ones we love the most, often because our own emotions simply overwhelm us or because we feel utterly helpless – sound familiar? That is why it is so important to forgive others and even more important (and so much more difficult) to forgive ourselves. For some this comes easily and for others it doesn’t. When in doubt, just ask yourself if it is worth it to bear a grudge and be resentful or if it is worth to beat yourself up… Most of the time it isn’t and is a waste of time and energy.

Once in a while it is good to put yourself in the position of someone else. It doesn’t only make someone elses life so much easier, you benefit just as much – especially in a relationship!

“We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you only have one.”

Mário de Andrade – My Soul Has A Hat