So what does it take, or what are the ingredients to a good communication between women and men?
(the ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation)
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.”
– Maya Angelou
It takes courage to speak to the opposite sex! You need to be brave to say what you actually think, to say what you actually want and even declare what you truly need and feel. When you do that you are always at risk of being rejected, misunderstood or even disliked – and who on earth wants any of that?
So we often tend do what is easiest. We might say things and act in ways that we assume are expected of us or what we think the other wants to hear. To a certain extent that might be a part of the interacting diplomacy but don’t make the mistake of overdoing it. If you make this behavior a habit, don’t be surprised if you can never really be yourself – which is actually a form of cowardice, as you avoid danger, or in this case vulnerability. Putting yourself out there and owning your story can be challenging but not nearly as difficult as running from it all the time. You can hide your vulnerability and avoid the risk of being hurt and with that give up on love and belonging, joy and fulfilment.
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”
– Mark Twain
If the other doesn’t like you for who you truly are, then perhaps it is better to call it off. Nobody can or should pretend to be someone they are not to please another person – stay true to yourself, be courageous. Sooner or later the real you will shine through anyway. Relationships as well as communication should be a give and take that of course ask for compromise – just not the one sided kind.
Just for emphasis I would like to give you an example with something that I know many can relate to nowadays – online dating. I have had friends that fell into the trap of looking at fabulous photos of potential dating partners, they got in touch, started to chat and at a certain point talked on the phone and arragend to finally go on a date. Strangely enough – despite all the photos, writing and talking – it usually turned out to be a blind date (in the true sense). I have heard about the following scenarios so often from friends that were deeply disappointed because the following (or something similar) accured when they finally met:
He shows uo and she thinks: “Did he send his father? Where has all the hair gone? He said he is 1,85m, he is only 1,70m.”
She shws up and he thinks: “Did she post photos of her daughter? I can barely recognise her. That photo was 20 kilos ago.”
So what happend here? Poeple showed photos of what they believe someone else might find attractive. In essence it seems that men lie mostly about hight, weight and age. Women lie mostly about age and weight. Photos that are 10-20 years old are posted and then they are surprised that the date partner is disappointed… What potential does something have that starts with deceit? It takes courage to be “just” yourself and show who you really are. That doesn’t mean that you should not show the best of you but stay honest and true – especially to yourself because…
in the end the real you always shows… sooner or later.
So stop pretending, be who you are, be brave, be courageous. You are wonderful and lovable, so let your inner light shine!
“The most courageous act is still to think for yourself. Aloud.”
– Coco Chanel
And yes, of course this kind of courage does make us very vulnerable, we may even risk humiliation. It can even be difficult for your pride or your ego and all things that are important to you. But if you really think about it, you actually have the chance of being with someone who likes you for who you are and not who you think that person wants you to be – which is so unbelievably strenuous and unhealthy in the long run.
And how many times in your life have your rather said nothing, having nothing to lose, than being brave and taking a risk and letting a beautiful opportunity pass by?
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin
It does takes courage for most to make themselves heard and I mean both men and women. It does takes courage to state what you really want and expect from a relationship and even what you expect from a conversation. Yes, of course it is a give and take and yes, it doesn’t mean to be blunt about absolutely everything and yes, kindness, mutual respect and a dash of diplomacy can never hurt – but that should be common sense.
“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” – Paulo Coelho
TO BE CONTINUED…
But again I will leave you with a great song: