I write a lot about love and about relationsships and how we can do things differently to maintain both in the best possible way. In other words I think a lot about love and LOVE STORIES. I am, as I have also mentioned many times, a hopeless romantic. So this today is about LOVE STORIES – great or small.
“Some love stories aren’t epic novels — some are short stories. But that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex in the City
To be clear, LOVE STORIES are not necessrily about two people. There are so many different kinds of LOVE STORIES. My very personal love story at the moment is the relatinship I have developed with words over the years, the love for writing. Strangely enough I find it so much easier to write in my second language English and not in my native language German. Friends often ask me why and I suppose it is due to my love LOVE STORY with the English language, writing and poetry for the past 47 years. I have come to realise that this is the longest LOVE STORY in my life so far and one that seems to be never ending.
But when we hear the words LOVE STORY, we inevitably think of romantic love. We think of the many books we have read, the films we have seen and the longing for our own great LOVE STORY becomes stronger and stronger – if we haven’t found it yet.
We are flooded with the harsh and often unromantic reality of every day life. We fight our daily battles, sometimes even for survival. It is clear that we sometimes like to escape from this with completely exaggerated and kitschy ideas.
A gigantic industry suggests to us what the perfect LOVE STORY should look like and it is only natural that we want that in our lives. But we build up such pressure on ourselves and our partner (or possible partner) that these demands are simply illusory and can never be fulfilled.
“Love is a fruit in season at all times, and within reach of every hand.” – Mother Teresa
A real LOVE STORY is so much more than a cheesy happy ending. A true and lasting LOVE STORY means work. Doesn’t sound very sexy and romantic, right? I have written about relationships and how to make it easier in so many of my blog posts and I don’t want to repeat myself here. However, there are just things that apply over and over again.
Especially we women often have a glorified idea of what a LOVE STORY should look like. I experience this again and again in my circle of friends but also with my coaching clients.
They meet a really great man, they are excited and happy (the rose-coloured glasses still fit well) but after a short time they start to (almost actively) look for the flaws. I’m not saying that men don’t do the same, but in my experience they do it much less.
And spoiler alert, we all have flaws and plenty of them too. But lets get back to looking for the faults in others. There just always seems something w´rong with the man they just met and when they tell me what it is I am sometimes still very much surprised.
Something just doesn’t seem right with this man, and most of the time it’s really just trivial things that you could look past. It is often the exaggerated demands but also the too romantic ideas that make us believe that everything has to be absolutely perfect – right from the start. So many people enter a new relationship with a very clear (romantic) idea and the slightest deviation often means the end before it has even had a real chance to begin. I mentioned it in another post (at least I think I did), if you want to change your partner to fit an ideal (which is realistically impossible and doesn’t really exist) you should get a puppy that you can train to do whatever you tell it to do. If you run after an ideal, you run the risk of becoming very lonely and a really beautiful LOVE STORY becomes more unlikely.
It is illusory to believe that perfect LOVE STORIES actually exist. Life is a constant up and down and so is love. Things don’t always run smoothly, but that’s exactly what makes a really genuine LOVE STORY unique- it survives all (or most) of that. The beauty of a relationship is that time is not the enemy but your greatest friend. Time gives you the luxury of writing and possibly rewriting your LOVE STORY as with time you can deepen your connections, keeping the relationship alive and discovering one another over and over again as you change and evolve.
“Life is one big love story with hundreds of little love stories within it.” – Ram Charan
Many also believe that a real LOVE STORY promises eternal butterflies in the stomach, eternal happiness and fulfilment in every aspect. That really only exists in films. Of course you don’t have to accept everything, but you shouldn’t question everything because of every little thing. As always, it’s a give and take and sometimes love also means letting go.
I mentioned in the beginning that there are so many different types of LOVE STORIES and if you think about it, it is so true, we simply often don’t see them as such. I also mentioned my LOVE STORY with words and poety and it can be pretty much anything you love and are truly passionate about. For some it can be sports, friendships, community work and helping others… Essentially it can be anything that you find fulfilling and that makes you (and others) happy. It took me quite a while to really understand this and discover it for myself. I must admit though that for me, the LOVE STORIES that involve other people are the most beautiful ones, even if they bear the greatest risk of causing you pain.
The great news is you can have more than one (romatic) LOVE STORY in your live and perhaps you already have had one or the other. I would love to hear about it!
“It’s appropriate to have magic in a love story, because magic is a sort of metaphor for what love feels like? When we fall in love, the world feels magical to us. It becomes an enchanted place.” – Theodora Goss
What is your LOVE STORY?