Many people want and need perfection in their lives. Perhaps it gives them a sense of control that they otherwise lack. Constantly striving for perfection can become a burden that leads to unhappiness and frustration.
I am as far from perfection as any human can be…
especially early in the morning!
Personally, a lot of the time I find perfection rather boring. The great risk in constant search and striving for perfection is that you miss the moments that really count, the moments that make you happy because they never seem good enough or perfect enough.
Take my newsletter! For a (much too) long time I thought I could only get started if I have it all figured out. It was the same with this blog. At a certain point I had to admit that it will NEVER be perfect and it shouldn’t be. It is just as flawed as I am and I am sure, or rather hoping it will improve over time. No matter what, writing makes me happy. I am also very lucky that I found a tribe of people that support and encourage me to keep going, that give me amazing feedback as to how I can improve what I am doing with it.
And if you like what I write and would enjoy to have it in you email inbox regularly, I would be happy if you
and share it with your friends.
And even if I do find perfection boring most of the time, I still want to be good in what I do, even great, but I never had the need or urge to be perfect. It begins with my flat. It is not perfectly clean and you can certainly not eat off my floors (I never understood that saying anyway. Who wants to eat off the floor?), my windows are not as perfectly clean as they could be and you may have guessed, cleaning is not one of my favourite activities. My flat is more the cosy place where you see that it is being lived in and where friends and family are always welcome. I will admit that I do have my own personal favourite place which is actually imperfectly perfect for me for reading, thinking, meditating and even working. It is never boring. This is my space!
MY SPACE
Perfection can make you inaccessible
I do a lot of presentations and have been on many stages all over the world in my life with small and not so small audiences.
My best presentations or the ones that were received the best were always the ones where something went wrong. I will never forget my very first time I stood on a stage in front of quite a crowd and I was so terrified that I almost wet myself. But I went out there anyway. People that know me, know that I can talk very very fast. I was so nervous that I spoke even faster than usual and somehow forgot to breathe. After only a few minutes I thought I would turn blue and faint or I should just shut up and take up breathing properly again – really a great concept. I did choose the latter and I was sure the audience would start throwing eggs and tomatoes at me. I was honest and even asked them to do a quick breathing exercise with me. The result was that they gave me the most surprising feedback – applause! I realised that my imperfection and honesty made me relatable. I wasn’t some presenter, I was a human being, a hopelessly nervous woman on a stage.
People that try to be perfect in everything they do tend to constantly show us our own shortcomings, making us feel uncomfortable. Who wants that?
Perfection is exhausting
In my practice as an iEQ9 Enneagram Practitioner I have often worked with people who are struggling with their need to be perfect and their striving towards perfection. The wonderful thing about working with the Enneagram is that you can very quickly get to the core of the motivation behind this need (or others). Often the pursuit of perfection is actually a disguise for insecurity. These insecurities are usually a result of the deeply embedded belief that we are not good enough as we are. Finding out what Enneagram Type you are is unbelievably helpful to find out what motivates you and is the root of your need to be perfect. When we strive toward being perfect it is so often to just compensate for a sense of inadequacy that we are feeling. The need for perfection shows an exaggerated sense of shortcomings that want to be eliminated or covered up by being perfect.
Perhaps perfection is not only boring but also exhausting. Just imagine you were with someone that is absolutely perfect all of the time. This would most likely be intolerable as you could never live up to this person and your own shortcomings would become so much more prominent.
If you would like to connect with me I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here or go directly to my website.
“Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work.” – Aristotle
Wabi Sabi
When I speak about perfection there is something that should not be missing. I absolutely love the concept of Wabi Sabi. For anyone that hears this for the first time I would like to give you a quick definition.
In traditional Japanese aesthetics, wabi sabi is a world view centered on the acceptance of transience and imperfection. The aesthetic is sometimes described as one of beauty that is “imperfect, impermanent and incomplete”.
Essentially, or to me it means that something that is broken or old and rusty or worn, can become something even more beautiful if your care for it and fix it. In a modern world you could call it upcycling. Just think of it as finding perfection in imperfection. It works for relationships as well as for objects, e.g. teacups, or clothes. Some call it vintage, which basically means giving new life to something old and imperfect, making it into something even more beautiful than it ever was. I find this philosophy not only beautiful but also very comforting, especially in today’s throw-away society – in terms of relationships, friendships and commodities.
“Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”
– Antoine de Saint-Exupery
Wishing you a wonderful weekend and I do believe it can be great fun and not boring at all to try a perfect communication between people.
Yours
Tanja 🤗
MY JOURNEY 