With the Enneagram 2, we are diving right into the FEELING CENTRE of the Enneagram. Let’s take a closer look at Enneagram Two – The CONSIDERATE HELPER. These are often also called The PLEASER or The LOVER.
“People depend on me for help. I must earn the love and appreciation of others by being there for them. I am only worthwhile if I am liked and needed. I deserve love because I am loving.”
“Love is the admiration and cherishing of the amiable qualities of the beloved person, upon the condition of yourself being the object of their action” — Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Enneagram Twos are motivated by the need to be liked and appreciated. Twos value relationships and as a result kindness, generosity and self-sacrifice are important to them. Twos strive to make the world a more loving place, primarily by offering support and attention to those they care about. Often they ‘give to get’, motivated by a deep belief that they don’t deserve to be loved for who they are.
Let’s have a look at the four v’s of the Enneagram Two!
Vulnerability (or core fear) – Being unloved
For an Enneagram Two being unneeded, unwanted, or even rejected equates to being unloved. They secretly have the belief that they are not worthy of love, having to earn it to not be abandoned.
Vice – Pride
Perceiving themselves as the helper in a world of neediness, they believe that they can be the ones to save others. Their sense of pride rests on them valuing and investing in how they would like to see themselves rather than how they really are. They often have the belief that their energy is unlimited and have no need to replenish or give to themselves. They are not needy but they are needed.
Value – Love
Enneagram Twos value relationships and, as a result, kindness, generosity, and self-sacrifice are important to them.
Virtue – Humility
When Twos learn to acknowledge their limits and recognise that they are not indispensable to other people as they believe, pride gives way to humility. As a result, the Ennea Two is capable of establishing healthy boundaries and giving love as needed.
“To love a thing means wanting to live.” — Confucuis
When Twos are at their very best, they practice self-care while also attending to others. They are capable of bringing humility to their interactions with the world around them.
At their worst, Enneagram Twos have the tendency to give in order to get. This may make them appear flattering and manipulative, with a deeply rooted sense that they need to earn being loved by others.
Like all Enneagram types, the Twos have their very own blind spots:
- Twos may not be aware of the subconscious or hidden intention behind their generosity, caring, and supportive activities. Being helpful may mask deeper motivations.
- Twos may pay attention to people and then disengage quite quickly once they lose interest in them.
- Their attention may become confused when Twos are trying to be helpful to more than one person with different needs.
- The Two’s focus on others may cause them not to be consistently tuned into their own needs and desires
Being an Enneagram 2 myself, I can truly say that the description is spot on and I found myself in it. At a seminar someone said something that deeply resonated with me:
“An Enneagram 2 asks for nothing but expects everything.”
This is so true. I had to really work hard on learning to ask for help. In my unhealthy state, I expected the people close to me to know and see what I need without the humiliation of having to ask for it – today I know how toxic that was as most people do not have that crystal ball or read other people’s minds. Another statement that I found very helpful to describe the development of an Enneagram 2 was:
“An unhealthy Two has to help!
An average Two wants to help!
A healthy Two is available!”
I have managed to go from that unhealthy state to becoming a healthy Two that sometimes goes back to being average and back to being healthy. It is constant and very deliberate work that some point becomes a new pattern and forms new and healthy habits.
To summarise, the warm nature of Twos makes it very easy for others to connect with them. They are caring and generously give themselves, anticipating the needs of others. It is easy for Twos to focus on relationships and excel in roles where engaging with clients and people in general matters. They are good in making people feel valued and seen, putting their own needs and feelings aside to support others.
“We cannot love ourselves unsell we love others, and we cannot love ourselves unless we love ourselves. But a selfish love of ourselves makes us incapable of loving others.” — Thomas Merton
🎶My Song of the Week
📚My Poem of the Week
Is one by the amazing Pulitzer Prize winning Lisel Mueller (1924-2020). This poem moved me to tears…
The Fall Of The Muse
Her wings are sold for scrap, her tiara goes to the museum. She takes off her purple gown, her long gloves. In her underwear she is anyone. Even when she is naked, they laugh. It’s not enough, they shout. Take off your pubic hair, mutilate your breasts, cut off a finger, get a patch on your left eye. Now she is one of us. She laughs the small laugh of the ordinary. She gives us all equal kisses. She counts her money at inaugural balls. She is searched at airports. She depends on sleeping pills. She betrays art with life. She lectures on the catharsis of drivel. She learns about Mount Olympus from quiz shows. She moves in a circle of victims; they make her eat her heart in public. She has bled so many times her blood has lost its color. She comes on the stage on all fours but insists that her teeth be straightened. Democratic, she sits with us. We share the flat bread of affluence, the suicidal water; we kill each other with jokes. She wears fall eyelashes when she throws herself off a bridge.
The totem of the Enneagram 2 is the attention-seeking dog aiming to please…
If I piqued your interest to find out more about the Enneagram, your type, and yourself, and how it can transform you and your life, I would be happy to take the time for a speed coaching call that you can reserve right here, go to my website or simply hit reply and get in touch with me directly.
Wishing you a wonderful start to your weekend, looking forward to your feedback and comments!